the bblog

Liveblog: PAX, day 1

1447 hours: I got off at the wrong damn bus stop.

1458: I'm here! There's so many white people around here I'm afraid a Republican national convention might break out.

1503: Gee, maybe I should have preregistered. This line is fucking huge? Pictured: The outside portion of the line, with the vast majority being in the south lobby.

1510: Apparently this is the preregistered line. I have been redirected to the new registrations line.

1514: The "buy tickets with cash" line has literally three people in it.

1518: Sitting in keynote line, reading the marketing fluff in the swag bag

. 1543: Did you know that the keynote is taking place at 1630? Because I didn't.

1544: My neighbors have asked me to stop screaming obscentities.

1622: They're letting us in! Finally.

1629: Oh god they've inflicting game trailers on us. Ken Levine, you had better be awesome.

[links to be added later]

1631: Superman doesn't bleed, morons!

1632: Lord of rings MMORPG? Mo like Lord of Warcraft! UH OH

1634: Oh shit, a funny trailer? Too bad it looks like its got a five dollar budget.

1638: DS games don't look too hot on a 20 foot screen.

1639: Bah ha ha, a afro samurai video game. In before snakes on a plane mmorpg.

1641: A CAS game? Thrill in slaughtetering civilians, revel in creeping uselessness!

1644: FarCry 2 is looking awesome as usual. The old trailer is somewhat enhanced by watching it on a big ole screen.

1647: Prince of Persia is looking silly, as usual.

1650: Ecocism! Like Sim City, only with plants! So, Sim Farm.

When are they going to get to the damn keynote?

1655: Warhammer online? Mo like Dorkhammer Online! Of Warcraft!

1656: Golly, a Naruto game. At least I assume there's a Naruto game, since this is a gaming convention, and they haven't actually shown any in game footage, prefering instead cuts from the anime.

1657: Apparently it's coming out for the wii, whatever it looks like.

1658: Pirates vs. Ninja dodgeball? Really? Really?

1701: Wow, Ken's voice is surprisingly nasal. And he swears! And he's talking about... buying Rome Total War? And comparing it to gay porn?

1704: Sudden awkward silence when he mentions "second base".

1706: He describes Baywatch as the "fuckin' shit". CLASSY

1707: "I wanted to fuck the Scarlet Witch." SO VERY CLASSY

1709: New slide: "My sexual development". Actually, it's pretty classy.

JUST KIDDING.

1712: Extended metaphor comparing D&D to masturbastion.

1715: Extended metaphor comparing playing D&D in grade school to the French Underground.

1717: "I stared at Darth Vader, not sure what to do next. But when the Dark Lord of the Sith offers you five, you give him five."

1718: Old school nerd references are flying.

1719: Annnnnd he's back to sex.

1721: Ken: Raraghag I hate women.

1726: Ken Levine as: Failed Hollywood writer!

1727: Cell phones ringing!

1731: Whoop, guess Ken's done. So, are the lights going to come up, or...

1732: Loud noises just as I start leaving!

1734: Oh, I guess it's going to be a PA Q&A.

1740: Oh no, Jerry's singing.

1743: Gotta charge my laptop. Where the fuck is an open outlet?

1747: Somehow I've wandered into the main exhibitation hall.

1748: Fuck yeah, Left4Dead! These are Xbox 360 demo stations, so I can't play. It looks like a polished, less shitty Zombie Master.

1754: Gee, there sure are a lot of console games round here. I'm watching people in the Rock Band booth. They've got everything in those big black tour cases, including the console and the televisions. Nice.

1800: Found an outlet near the brawndo booth. Booth dude rolls out to ask about the EEE, which makes him the third to do so, so far, but there's no free wifi here, so I must travel on.

1854: I have gazed upon Starcraft II, and found it to be Starcraft, in 3D; which should be consolation to the hundreds of thousands who dedicated their life to the original Starcraft. I have also gazed upon Fallout 3, and found it to be shiny as hell. I have gazed upon the Pirates vs. Ninjas booth, and found it to contain people dressed as the respective sides.

I have also gazed upon thousands of gamers, and found them to be sterotypical. There's also a fairly large contigant of children who have dragged their mothers along, which is... something, all right. Sure is.

EEE questions have reached 4. I also spent $22 on an "Exterminate!" shirt with a Dalek on it. I am really tired! I don't know if I'll make it much longer.

1957: Watching the Omegathon Boom Blox round will cause me to miss the first part of the TF2 tourney! SO BE IT

1959: The crowd is excited! Lots of shaved heads among the Few.

2002: The screens are too damn low. Can't see what's going down.

2003: Technical gliches! Someone accidently quit.

2005: This isn't exactly the most exciting thing to watch. But everyone's cheering! Golly, I wish I knew what the hell was going on. Makes me wish I owned a Wii.

2009: Wuh oh, someone got eliminated. Middle fingers all around. Professional! I'd say we needed a color commentator to explain what the hell was happening, but I hate color commentators, so.

2016: I paid for the whole seat, but I only needed the edge. Since I sat on the edge trying to gain some height the whole time. Also! My pocket protector seems to be coming apart at the seams. On to TF2!

2112: Apparently you can't just spectate, you have to participate; and of course the participation line is friggin enormous. Thinking about going home and crying going to bed.