bbot's blog

My cultural niceties, perhaps as a result of my somewhat erratic upbringing, are less than solidly installed. In particular, I can never manage to say "How are you doing?" quickly enough as to suit the natural flow of a conversation. Being normal, you[*], of course, understand that "How are you doing" is a natural reply to the initiator of conversation, the "Hello".

*: All my readers are normal, even, distinctly above average. Refined artifacts of a more civilized time. Excellent human beings all, possessors of unusual good taste and extraordinary distinction. You should count yourself lucky to find yourself among the ranks of the Few.

Seeing as how the "How are you doing" is an interrogative, I have evolved an excellent response, the "Great!"

"Great!" is a universal response, to be referred to in times of fair or foul, thanks to its wonderful versatility, depending on the manner in which it is spoken.

Delivered as an exclamation, it conveys a wonderful sense of excitement and dynamism, a true "can-do" attitude, and may invoke an impression in bystanders of being "a cheery motherfucker".

Delivered in a sarcastic manner, it impresses in witnesses a sense of your dry wit, and a impression that you are "one sarcastic motherfucker".

But while I have mastered the response, I have yet to grasp the complexities of the question; and it was upon these matters I was reflecting when I happened upon a co-worker of which I am on nodding terms.

I sprung into action! Quickly, I reviewed the four words which I must pronounce, the order in which they must be pronounced, and the manner in which I must pronounce them.

The opening rounds were swift, and suddenly the time for action was upon me. I acted!

"You doing great?"

Disaster! The knowing manner which had been planned for the response had instead acted upon the question, and instead of burning with a dry wit it seethed with contempt.

But either he did not hear, or was not aware of the botched delivery, for he instead commented upon my hat. Disaster averted.